I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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