Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
