you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
