ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
