dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
