I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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