Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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