if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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