i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
