I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
