the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
