I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
