u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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