Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
