life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
