hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
