I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
you made out with another girl for some wings
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
