Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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