I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
