So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
