I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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