so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
