There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
