I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
