Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
