Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
