as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
