so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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