I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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