My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
