okay pat passed out under dana's car
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
