I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
