Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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