his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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