You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
