I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
