This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
