12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
