There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
