she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
FUCK WHALES
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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