oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
