i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
