how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
