Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
