god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
