I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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