Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
