that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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