That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
