Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
