420 ftw
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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